Resentment, Regret, and Fear

I don't think that I've ever met a Cuban who thinks Fidel Castro is a wonderful leader.  For starters, any Cuban I would have discussed this topic with, would be residing in the USA.  This means that: A.) They left Cuba in exile or defected while visiting the USA.  B.) They managed to obtain a visa to immigrate to the USA via a government lottery. C.) Were born in the USA of parents who arrived here via A. or B.


Castro and the Cuban embargo are serious hot button topics with Cuban Americans.  Dare you suggest that the embargo is outdated, useless, and causing more harm to Cuban residents, and watch a shit storm of Ricky Ricardo rants fly at you. "coño"  this and "coño" that.  You can't even get a word in.  They'll go on for hours on how Castro is evil.  He's worse than Hitler.  On and on and on and on.  Their hatred towards Castro is an obsession.  My dad, likes to get a rise out some these obsessive, Castro haters.  Hmmmm?  I wonder where I get it from?  Anywayzz...Just to watch someone go on a rant, he'll say stuff like "Castro provides you with free health care and free education.  How bad could he be?"  or "The literacy rate is close to 100 percent."  Man!  Watch the rants fly.  It's almost comical.


My dad would make this quasi-spiritual claim that "Their obsessive, collective hatred toward Fidel Castro is what fuels him and keeps him alive for so long."  There have been incidents where Fidel has fainted and been hospitalized.  Cubans in America take to the streets in celebration, only to find out that he's going to pull through.  Sike!  Maybe there's some truth to my Dad's logic.


You might be thinking,"Comandante!  You're a revolutionary.  Shouldn't you stand by your fellow revolutionary brother?"


I honestly don't know enough about Castro to justify stating how horrible or great he is. I haven't lived through what many Cuban Americans have.  


As an actor, I witness this type of obsessive "hating".  Many actors go through their careers hating on others, the industry, their agents, the casting directors, the terrible theater companies, the scams, photographers, workshops, etc.  All of this resentment is focused on bringing others down, rather than trying to tackle the  source of the resentment.  I meet so many people who wallow in negativity, because things aren't going so well.  Shit!  We all go through the ups and downs.  It's part of life.  We don't have to live in it though.  It stinks in there.  You know?  


Everyday, something or someone that did me wrong pops into my head.  I start thinking about what I would say to that person, or how I would have done things differently.  Sometimes the scenarios get heated and violent.  After a while, I'm like, "WTF man?  It's all in your head.  That person is not even in front of you.  That thing happened a long time ago."  Before, I would just go to the bar to drown my sorrows.  I guess you could say that "I've seen the light."  


I came to the realization that focusing my energy on creativity and extending myself to fellow artists is going to serve me better.  Since the attitude shift, I have accomplished more goals that will lay down the foundation for a thriving career.  I'm inspired to write my own material, and I'm taking more creative risks.  As artists, this is what we live for.  


In a couple of more days, people will be breaking all of their resolutions.  Fuck resolutions! They're meant to be broken.  Be bold.  Start a revolution.  Make the shift.


The revolution is not a physical one.  It's about the revolution within.  I strive to live my life with integrity, positivity, and compassion for all.  My war is against the ego, which is responsible for feelings of resentment, which lead to regret, which lead to fear, which lead to evil actions towards others.  I kind of sound like Yoda there, without the jumbled phrases. "Speak and write clearly do you".  Yeah, yeah, chiquito verde (little green one).  This revolution "will not be televised".


I realize this entry sounds a bit like if "My Journey As an Actor" hooked up with "The Dos and Don'ts of the Acting Business".  It's really not.  My motive is simple:  to provide you with the wisdom to keep you off my D-Bag list.  Happy New Year!