Social Media, Celebrity Deaths, and Learning words like "Solipsism"

Not the most captivating title....I know.  Pues, ni modo- which translates into "So be it" or "Fuck it"!  I prefer the latter.  I can't speak for everybody.  However, in light of Robin Williams' death, it donned on me that I receive a majority of my news from Facebook.  Be it friends' reactions, shared links, or what have you; I'm always finding things out on the world's, largest, chisme (gossip) platform!

I don't know if that makes me less educated, a simpleton, a follower of the masses, etc.  It just is what it is! We are no longer in the era where we walk out to the end of the driveway in our bathrobe and boxers to pick up the daily newspaper, go inside our home, and read the paper over coffee.  Many of us are working two to three jobs or pursuing creative endeavors, while working 8-12 hours at a job to support ourselves.  It is what it is!  So what's the easiest thing to do when we first wake up?  Grab our phones or tablets and check our Facebook and Instagram profiles to see how many likes we got from our posts!

I don't do that though.  I ain't that needy for validation....Psssshhhhhh! Right! We all are to some degree.  Can't blame us for being this way.  I mean, we are all closed up in our own digital worlds.  We would rather be on the phone while shopping for groceries or ordering food than interacting with the person that is directly in front of us, trying to take our order or ringing up our groceries.  Don't let me get started on the people that criticize you for getting the order wrong or who are giving you specific directions on how to bag their food, while they are on their mo'f'n phones! Putos!  Sorry....Got a little carried away there...

I'm going a bit off topic here.  Since social media has exploded over the last six years, many popular, iconic, artists, athletes, political figures, religious leaders, and personalities, have passed away.  When this happens, you will often see posts with a "RIP" message.  They dominate the conversation, or "trend", as it is called in the social media sphere.

Very rarely do people know the deceased celebrity. Regardless, the outpouring occurs, because the work of the individual has affected each person in some way.   What's wrong with this?  Nothing!  Is it a vain attempt to garner attention for more likes, retweets, shares...I don't know what the hell else...Pokes?  Not that one....

Maybe it is.  If so....Who the fuck cares?  Whatever this little soapbox, channel, feed, or platform that social media has created for each individual, belongs to that person.  We can choose to interact or ignore any person's avatar-esque galaxy.

I caught glimpses of many posts that "We" (meaning everyone on Facebook who posted about Robin Williams' death) were only posting about it to fuel our egos and to gain likes.  Or, that it was some competition or popularity contest to gain more traffic to our pages.  I saw another post from a friend that quoted Bible verses condemning suicide, that ended with a "May God have mercy on your soul."  This! Coming from a fellow actor?  My favorite was a response to a friend's post that stated something, along the lines of "Actors have it tough...Please be kind to actors."  The first response was "I didn't know such a 'Solipsistic' response was possible."  Ouch!  I had to look up that word, because, if I see the letters "s", "o", and "p" so close together; I start thinking about Sopes! Sopes de carne asada or Sopa de res....Going off track again, but if you have not had a sope, you need to!

Think about it.  Isn't social media about advocating solipsism?  It's all about "me"! I did this. I'm doing that. I'm dating so and so. I'm here. I'm eating this. I'm drunk. I'm sad. I'm horny. I'm high. I'm angry, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm....

I wanted to chime in on all these posts and replies that I found completely asinine, but I realized that: 1. I don't want to feed the trolls 2. Everyone has a right to say whatever the fuck they want 3. The most important one...It just is What it Motherfucking Is!

RIP Robin Williams. Only you knew your pain.  Godspeed on this next journey...I still remember wanting to buy the Mork suit for Halloween, but I was only 4.  They didn't make any in my size.  I know you are getting many hugs in the next life and chillin' with your homie Richard Pryor :-)

Digging Deep for an Actor's Values

It's safe to say, that a large majority of the actors hustling to book "the big gig" or "commercial that will change your career, life, and bank account", spend most of their time hustling at another job to make ends meet.  It's also safe to say that a majority of those, "said jobs", don't really stimulate actors' minds.  Restaurants, retail, coffee shops, temp work, catering, marketing promotions (only if you are smoking hot for this last one), etc.  The list goes on.  Basically, you're at the mercy of many numb skulls, who think they are way too entitled, and who somehow can conjure up the courage to berate you or humiliate you publicly, because deep in the back of their puny, puto-head, minds, they know, (unless you are a sociopath) that you can't do an f'n thing about it.  You will lose your job if you talk back or dare to threaten them.  This happens in the temping world too. Instead of a bone headed customer, you have a bone headed manager, that thinks they are way smarter than you.  They will hang over your head that you can be replaced with a phone call, and bye bye $10 an hour job with no health insurance, which includes an hour to hour and a half commute each way...every day.  Yay! I want to be an actor!  Right?  Of course you do!

Lately, my mind has been burning with the same question: "Why do you put yourself through this?" It's been pretty stressful lately.  Jobs and opportunities seem to be few and far between.  Auditions happen at any God-given hour with less notice and time to prepare.  Yeah. Hate that shit!  I've turned down two auditions recently.  I also could not go to one, because I was scheduled to work at the hour they were holding the auditions.  I thought going in early would be cool, but they needed groups to cast a family. The casting director wasn't seeing the groups in my category until later in the evening. I was upset, but what could I do?  It sucks big huevos! Don't get me wrong, I'll give up a shift from time to time to go to an audition, but this can't happen more than a few times a month.  Casting directors aren't going to pay the expensive ass smart phone plan that I need to have to be able to confirm an audition at any given time from anywhere in the world.  They ain't paying my gas that my trusty, old, bucket eats up, so that I can commute to auditions and to the good, ol', J.O.B. 

I think about why we put ourselves through the torture, and try to figure out if there is some formula or cosmic pull in our genes that gravitates us actors to this deep desire to bare our souls for others to watch and be affected emotionally, and be in awe of our talent, and bathe us in rose petals and applause.  Hooray!!!! This pull that brings us to one of life's ultimate paradoxes: You're damned if  you do, and you're damned if you don't!  Why? Why? Why?  I read somewhere online, that for actors it's like breathing air; A NECESSITY (say this with a Shakespearean flair).  Whether or not we are on an actual, film, television, or commercial, set, or a doing theater, shorts, and independent projects for food and credit only; there is something about the craft that we love so much that we are willing to tread through that uphill mudslide, just to get a taste of that sweet water of creativity.  Not gonna lie, the allure of making enough money to make a living so that all you can do is work on your career, be in classes, and produce projects is a big incentive.  What actor doesn't want that?  However, when you get that point, there will be other obstacles to deal with on a whole different level, that will make you wish you were at the level up above you. Once you go up the ladder, the grass is probably always going to be greener.  

So what is the solution?  Corny as this may sound: Love and Joy for the work and the moment you are in.  I spend most of my time at my J.O.B., and the commute is a pain in the Nalgas. But, it pays my bills and I have health insurance.  Very important!  What I'm bringing up with the whole "Love and Joy" is that it's crucial for actors, and artists in general, to have core values about their craft.  It helps us map out where we go in our lives and our growth as artists.  I work for a very popular, "national chain of neighborhood, grocery stores".  They are abundant in Los Angeles.  Everybody says that they "LOOOOOVVVVEEE" shopping at their local location.  The company is hugely successful.  One thing that they emphasize to the crew is for us to know the company's "Core Values" and their "Mission Statement".  Here I am, working for a very successful, company, that keeps growing in locations and sales every year.  This company is always referenced in the top finance and business magazines, praising their business model.  It hit me like a sack of potatoes, the ones I just stocked on the shelf, that if I want to emulate this kind of growth and financial success in my acting career; I should probably consider declaring some core values.  The company I work for has 7.  That seems like a good number, since my birthday falls on a multiple of 7, and if you multiply 7 by the number in the order of the calendar year that my birth month falls in, you get the day of my birth.  Anyways, I'll start with a couple for now: 1.Create for the Love and Joy of the work 2. Live in the present.  I know that I mentioned emulating a company with financial success, and yadda, yadda, yadda.  That's not my ultimate end, but it would be nice to only live off creating work for the love and joy of it.  Happy hustling homies!

Remembering Philip Seymour Hoffman

Philip Seymour Hoffman (July 23, 1967 - February 2, 2014)

In 2004, I was introduced to someone that worked for the Labyrinth Theater Company and brought me in to do some volunteer work for them. It started with doing simple things like office mailings and gradually grew into set building and helping out at some of the VIP, company events. Philip was the Artistic Director at the time. My experience with the LAB was amazing. It was was one of the highlights of my artistic career. I made some lasting friendships with fellow volunteers, Master Class Alumni, and a number of the company members.

I met Philip on a few occasions, serving food and drinks at premiere parties or their famous fundraiser- “Celebrity Charades”. However, there was one particular incident that bonded us.

I was on book for the actors during the previews of “The Last Days of Judas Iscariot” by Stephen Adly Guirgis , in 2005.

The show was premiering at the Public Theater in New York, where the company had its residence. There were a handful of film and theater stars in attendance. I realized that I was in the big time here. No pressure at all! My task was easy: Follow the script, and feed the actor their line when they called for it. I was given a copy of the script and a flashlight. Once the show began, it was all business. “Follow the lines and don't fuck up,” I said to myself.

The show was great. Everything was running smoothly. I was so mesmerized by the performances of Sam Rockwell, John Ortiz, Eric Bogosian, Liza Colon Zayas, Callie Thorne, Yul Vazquez, and the entire ensemble. Great freaking' cast! Philip was watching. I could hear him laugh throughout many of the play's funny moments.

As amazing as the show was, I was dedicated to my task- following the book in case an actor needed a line. Sure, I was a little scared that someone would slip up. After all, the show was still in previews. Should someone need a line, I was there to deliver it. Thinking that such a moment could occur put me in a slight, state of panic, because suddenly, all eyes (or ears for that matter) would be on an unknown, volunteer who had never done this before. Truth!

The show was going smoothly. It was well into the final act, and I was comforted in seeing that there were only about 15 pages to go before the end of the play. No one needed a line. I don't want to give away the story, but there is a wonderful scene between Judas, played by Sam Rockwell, and Jesus, played by John Ortiz. It was one of those moments in the theater, where you couldn't take your eyes off the stage. Two amazing actors living the beautifully written words on the page. My attention was distracted by a flicker from my flashlight. “Oh no! Dear God No!”, I screamed in my mind. My light kept flickering, becoming dimmer, and dimmer, and dimmer, until....OUT!

No problem. I'm resourceful. I went into MacGyver mode. Where in a dark theater can you find a light source on the fly? Why, on those lights near the aisle that help guide you or the ushers to the row you are sitting in, when you come back from the lobby or the bathroom. Of course! So I'm scrambling on the ground, ass in the air, looking like a fool. I had the script up against the dim light that barely illuminated the letter of the row I was sitting in. Sure enough, as I'm trying to find my place on the page with the dimmest of lights, Sam Rockwell calls “LINE!”

SHIT! NOOOOOOO! I broke out into a crazy sweat. Sam calls for his line again. I couldn't see a thing. I'm smacking the flashlight. I don't recall how long the silence was for, but I was propelled to throw out some improvised lines, hoping that they would help trigger the correct lines. Eventually the stage manager called out the correct lines from the booth and the play proceeded with no further problems.

I did not want to look at anyone once the lights came up, let alone run into Philip. The stage manager came up to me afterward and asked what happened. I explained about the flashlight, and she was really nice about whole thing.

Months later, at the Celebrity Charades event, where Philip's team won again, I walked up to him and introduced myself. He was so generous. I'll never forget what he said when I told him that I've been volunteering for some time and how I loved it. He said “Yeah man! I've seen you around. Thanks so much for your help. Angel. Right?” “Uh, yeah,” I replied. Mind you, I had a few tequila shots in me, so I decided to tell him about the flashlight incident during the preview of “The Last Days of Judas Iscariot”. He just laughed it off, put his arm on my shoulder and said “Really, thanks for all of your work.'' That was last time I had any contact with him.

A year later I moved to L.A. The only way I kept up with the company news, members, and my friends was via the emails and social media.

I replayed that whole experience once the news of his passing was relayed to me. I thought about how my friends who knew him well and worked closely with him must have felt; the pain they were going through. I thought about the family he left behind. I thought about how so many people would begin to judge, without understanding or knowing the pain and disease of addiction.

Philip inspired so many actors by being so bold in creating memorable characters on stage and film. I don't want to go on listing every role, but I think it's safe to say that every character he created was amazing. My cousin and I recently had a conversation about his work. Our favorite Philip Seymour Hoffman character that he portrayed: All of them!

Gone to soon. May you inspire more souls on your new journey.   

The Muses are yelling at me!

Wow!  I have been AWOL for too long.  Why is it that we are conditioned to look back and reflect on our lives around Creemas (Christmas)?  I have been contemplating, forever, bringing back my blog.  What kept me away for so long?  You may be asking? I have this little problem where I have a great vision.  I want to implement that vision, and I hit the ground running; without implementing a proper strategy.  One idea gets fulfilled.  I start to work on it, not knowing the level of commitment involved, life happens, and then that idea goes by the wayside.  I hate when I do this, but apparently it's a very typical characteristic of my Astrological sign.  So, in the time that I have been away from relaying news to you as EL COMANDANTE (think of me saying that like the Wizard in "El Mago De Oz", Wizard of Oz for my Gringo followers), I produced a play with a dear friend.  It was a collection of one acts that spoke to my heart, dealing with the September 11th attacks.  Around the same time, that we were in rehearsals for the play, my girlfriend of 12 years (at the time, will touch on this later) was involved in a bad car accident that put her on bed rest for a month.  My Uncle, who was more of a big brother to me (being an only child), was killed, and my life went into a big spiraling Caca storm since.  So, I am now single, a bit lost, hopeful, but hurt.  This is my outlet: Ramblings of an artist who wants to keep it real for anyone out there that feels the same.  Peace my Brothers and Sisters!

Los Cuates de Sinaloa "Negro y Azul (The Ballad of Heisenberg)" 09/23/13

I'm back Pendejos!!!!!

Why the long break?  Like you all missed me!  No one even knows who the hell I am?  I talk shit about acting, dickwads that want to be actors, and occasionally, write about some credible, talented people.  

In a nutshell, I've had a lot of stuff happen, both bad and good, that kept me locked in fear from sharing anything with you!  I decided, on this early April 11th, to start anew.  Evolve. Cambiar.....de Sexo! Ay!  That's a Spanish joke.  Won't work in Ingles!  Trust me.  

As you can see, I changed the name of the Blog from "El Comandante" to "El Comandante de La Brea & Melrose".  Why?  If you care to ask?  

Just talking about acting shit only reaches those of us that are pursing a career in Hollywood. Meh!

I love my neighborhood, and Lord knows how many drinks I've slammed down at the establishments between La Brea and Fairfax- on Melrose.  That's not including the places in Larchmont Village, and all the new spots opening in the area.

I'm not a restaurant critic, but I want to offer some insight on where a fellow neighbor, from whatever field of work, can easily kick his or her boots up, order a Sarsaparilla, and enjoy the night without all that Hollywood Bullshit!  

I am evolving.  Into what?  Who the hell knows?  A stupid ass fool posted this on FB, but it makes sense, cuz we all striving to connect with one another on some level. 

" I flip out to easily!  I'm not perfect, but I expect people to approach life with respect and common sense.  I'm guilty of disconnecting, falling victim to playing with my phone when I'm alone at a bar, coffee, shop, restaurant, etc.  However, I love the nights when you just want to be left alone, yet you end up having a great conversation with a fellow artist.  That makes the other shit I deal with on a regular basis all worth it.  Conversation!  Good night my friends!"- Wise Latino Actor ;)

Doin' It and Doin' It!

"WHERE THE FLIPPITY FLAP have you been?" You're probably asking.  Probably not, but I'd like to think that you missed me.  As the title says, I'm Doin' It!  It takes a lot of time, energy, stamina, endurance, exercise, caffeine, and other shit to keep you up so you can Do It!


I can't believe that my last post was in February!  To my two, faithful, followers:  I apologize.  I really missed writing and ranting.  However, I have been productive.  


1. Hosted a reading of play that the company I am partnered in (Working Artists Lab)is producing this fall.  We did a reading of one of the plays.  It's a 9/11 themed one act about....Well, you'll have to come check it out when it's up.  There's a second play ("Midnight Mass") which we will also be showcasing in conjunction with "Los Embrujados: The Haunted Ones".  Both plays were written by my friend, and esteemed playwright/actor/Labyrinth Theater Company member- Mel Nieves.


2. Plugged away at the script for a short film that I have been developing for over a year.  My friend and writing mentor (who shall remain nameless cuz she's famous) loved my adaptation of her short play.  She gave me a few notes, and I finished it this morning at 3 AM. Now it's time to get some money. Anyone want to support?  


3. Putting together a fundraiser, which Veev Acai Berry Spirit, kindly donated some product for us to serve.  Muchas Gracias and Obrigado!  It's going to happen at my friend's gallery (Gallery 9)in May.  The event is to help raise money for Working Artists Lab's production of the plays I mentioned and for a yet to be mentioned cause that Gallery 9 supports.  Check out their massive efforts to build a Peace Center in Sierra Leone. This is just one of many wonderful things that Lisa Schultz (founder) and Heidi Huber-Kalin (Right Hand Wonder Woman) are doing!  If you want information on the event, message me on this blog with your email or send it to angel@workingartistslab.com.


4. Started auditioning again!  Thank the Heavens!  I was starting to think that I was 86d from this town, much like I have been from a few bars....that was a while back though.  In the meantime, I was inspired by Greenlight Coach Jessica Sitomer's "Get It Done" call to arms and started a video blog. It's a character that I'm developing for a future web series.  The feedback I'm getting is great.  I even got removed from a Facebook page, because some of the viewers of that page may find it offensive.  No hard feelings though.  The gal who runs the page is a classy pro.  She's doing her thing.  I'm doing mine.  If I ruffle some feathers, well then I'm doing something right.  At least I think so.  Check out the videos:

If you want to see what other things Rahman has to say, subscribe to the channel.  A new video will be up every week.


As you can clearly see; I'm Doin' It!  Gettin' It Done!  Gotta take charge of my career.  If  you were thinking that "Doin' It" was in reference to something else....well then great minds think alike!  Cuz LL Cool J does the same thing.  At least that's what he says in his song.  Peace out!